Married Gay PartyBeast
by Catri Howlman-Carthaki spy
Summary: Harry, we have a small problem.' The blood protection failed, and Dumbles needs Harry to bond to Snape. One problem. Neither will agree. Enter humor, two pregnant and unwillingly bonded men, and one overprotective vampire.
1. Chapter 1

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

Harry ran a comb through his hair. It was always fun to do his hair. The fact that it was longer made it easier to manage. He loved doing different things with it.

Today, he was going to a party at his friend Aaron's house.

Aaron was 17 (a year older than Harry) and very,**_ very_** gay. He was almost as flamboyantly gay as Jack off of _Will & Grace_.

At the moment, Aaron was trying to make Harry admit he was gay.

"I mean, straight boys your age don't take 2 hours on their hair, do not secretly borrow their gay best friends dresses, don't feel comfortable in stilettos, and don't wear padded bras when in said best friends dresses to see how well they can pick up guys while disguised as a girl. Admit it Harry, you are gay."

"No I'm not."

"Harry, you carry a purse!"

"It is not a purse! I have things I need to carry like notebooks, shopping lists, pencils, my wand…."

"Your makeup, pantyhose, a comb, Vaseline, a box of tissue, and a picture of the boy you have a crush on! Harry, you might as well wear a sign over your head that says 'I'm gay everybody but I wont admit it'."

Harry stuck out his tongue at his friend. "I also carry a bottle of blood in case you forget to eat, don't I?"

"That still doesn't explain your passion for women's jewellery."

Harry brushed it off. "That doesn't mean I'm gay."

He slipped into his shoes and grabbed his pur-uh- bag.

"Let's go."

Aaron flew down the stairs after him, letting out a roaring "Finally!"

They walked the two blocks to Aaron's house. Most of the other guests were already, drinking beer on the front porch.

"Aaron! Sparky! What took you guys so long?"

"Harry had to putting some finishing touches on his hair! I swear, that boy takes longer than I do!"

Harry elbowed his friend. "Stop that! I do_ not_ take that long."

They went inside.

Aaron's house was bigger inside than it was outside. 6 floors (4 of them underground) and enough room to throw a good party without attracting the police.

And party they did.

Drinking, dancing, acting stupid, making a move on straight or gay friends.

That was the party of the year for them.

Harry stumbled through the door of Number 4 Privet Drive the next day, Aaron stumbling in after him.

"Do me a favour love, and admit it!"

"Never!"

"Then give up the purse!"

"Never!"

"Take me shopping!"

"Next Week!"

"Give me a drink!"

"Not now! Later maybe, I have things to do this morning."

"Nothing you couldn't have done at my house! Half your wardrobe (and all of your good clothes) is at my house! And some hair supplies (including mine) and some makeup (including mine) and some jewellery (including mine) and the rest of my clothes (minus the ones you have which I want back). Need I go on?"

"No, but you need to shut up! It's Noon! My cousin's friends could be here."

"And you think I'm afraid of those punks! P-lease! I can beat all their asses in one go!"

"Bragger! I'd take you 3 hours before you killed two of them. And you'd probably keep Dudley alive anyway."

"Chew Toy! What can I say, I'm an animal!"

Harry tackled him, and the entire conversation ended with Harry on Aaron's back, walloping him, and Harry's second to worst nightmare entering the room.

Snape was in his house.

"Oh shit."

"What?" Aaron looked around Harry's arm and paled a few shades more. "Shit."

Snape scowled. "Well looks who's decided to grace us with their presence."

Aaron instantly hated him. "Can I rip him to shreds?"

Harry patted the man he consider a brother on the head. "Stop that. You don't want me to kick you in the balls again."

Aaron pouted at him. "Meanie! I need that!"

Harry half smiled. "Prat."

Aaron shrugged, making Harry squeal in fright as he was suddenly lifted into the air and dropped back down again. "I try."

Harry swatted him with his purse- I mean- bag.

Dumbledore waltzed up. "I'm glad you're here Harry. I was very worried when we showed up and were told you hadn't come home last night, and eve more so to hear that you do this regularly."

Harry sighed. "Yeah well…."

"Is this the man that dumped you here?"

Harry nodded. Aaron's eyes hinted red. "We're going to my house."

"Aaron, stop it! It is not that serious!"

Aaron didn't seem the one to listen. "Say goodbye."

He swung Harry around and draped him over his shoulder. "Aaron, come on. Put me down."

He put him down but continued to drag him towards the door. "Aaron please!"

The aggravated vamp stopped and let him baby brother turn him around. "Let. Us. Talk."

Aaron opened his mouth to say something and Harry stopped him. "No buts."

Aaron sighed and rolled his eyes. He bent down till he was looking Harry in the eye. "I'll let you talk, "he said in a whisper colder than death. "but if they lay one finger on you – one - I'll kill them both."

Harry sighed. "Will you calm down if I agree to this?"

"Slightly."

Harry sighed again. "All right. I'll stay out of touching distance."

He turned and walked till he was just out of arms reach and had Aaron looming over him.

"So what did you want headmaster, professor?"

The two shared a look. "Harry, this is something we need to speak about in private."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Unless you lock my relatives in one room and put a silencing spell around all the other rooms, this is as private as it's going to get."

Dumbledore didn't seem happy with that, but Aaron's menacing glance kept him from complaining.

"Harry, we have a small problem."

"A big problem. A problem the size of Asia. A ..."

"I _think_ they get it Sev. Anyway, the blood protection has failed. On one of the days you weren't here, Voldemort searched for you. Thankfully (on that night only) you weren't here."

Harry huffed. "Don't dance around. Tell me what you need to tell me and let me go. I have a doctor's appointment in ten minutes and I wanted to change."

"He wants you to bond to somebody. Thus the problem: that _somebody** doesn't want to bond with you!"**_

The last bit was shouted in Dumbledore's ear. The old man simply sighed. "We came here to talk it over with you."

Harry turned around. "Aaron, can we go back to your house. I _really_ need to change for my appointment."

The vamp was about to lead the way before Dumbledore magically locked the door. "You _will_ stay here and we _will_ discus this."

Sev scowled. "There is nothing to discuss. That's two no's. You promised…."

"I know very well what I promised. Harry has not given me a straight answer, and we _still_ have to discuss this. Now if I have to bind you to this floor you two are not going anywhere until we talk this…."

Aaron ripped a hole in the wall. Harry hurried through it. Snape hurried after and repaired the hole as soon as Aaron had come through it.

Dumbledore sighed. _That_ had not gone as planned.


	2. Chapter 2

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

Harry blinked his eyes open, immediately realizing that he was in neither one of his beds and that the person was beside him was not Aaron.

He shot upright.

Yup, definitely neither house.

Dreading what he would see, he turned.

"FUCK THAT BASTARD!"

Snape shot up and made to pull out his wand only to look horrified that it was not there before being even more horrified to see who he was lying next to.

"WHEN I SEE THAT MAN I WILL TURN HIM IN TO EUNUCH FASTER THAT HE CAN BLINK!"

"As long as I get to beat him till he's half dead before forcing him to heal the muggle way."

The two took one look at each other before apparating to the ministry.

Anything they were about to say was lost in the sea of worried angry and complaining people, as well as a deafening roar from below.

Harry forced his way to the desk. "What's going on?"

The woman didn't look up from the forms she was filling out. "Rouge vampire was arrested this morning for attempting to kill Dumbledore. He half killed two people when we brought him in."

Harry paled considerably. "And, if I may ask, what's today's date?"

"August 15th."

Harry cursed. "Dammit! I need my bag. Snape, go back to wherever the hell we were and look for a red bag. Bring it here and fast." He turned to the woman. "Where is he – the vampire I mean?"

The woman looked at him strangely. "3 levels below us."

Taking advantage of the fact that everybody was staring at him he half screamed: "If one of you doesn't take me to see the recently arrested vampire all of you will be spayed, neutered, or dead by the time this day is done!"

Snape returned with requested bag a split second before the crowd recovered from their shock and began pushing and shoving them towards the lifts.

Half the crowd (including Snape and Harry) squeezed into one.

They eagerly led Harry to cell eight, were aurors were at their wits end trying to fully subdue the crazed vamp.

"MOVE!" Harry screamed so violently the aurors nearly had a heart attack.

Harry quickly downed a blood replenishing potion before slowly walking forward.

"Come on Aaron. I know what you need. Come on. That's it." Harry smiled as Aaron latched on to his neck. "That's a good boy. There you go."

"What are you doing?"

Harry smiled encouragingly at Snape over Aaron's shoulder. "It's been two weeks, and Aaron either hasn't been able two, or he's been too preoccupied with finding me to think about it. Dumbledore probably popped up at his place to get something and got attacked. It's okay, I'm used to it, and he's almost done."

It was true, for a few minutes later, Aaron pulled away, regarding Harry as if he had just seen him.

"When did you get…? What…? Where are we!"

"The ministry. You got arrested for attacking Dumbledore."

"I attacked Dumbledore?"

Harry nodded. "You got arrested and sent here."

Aaron stopped him and assumed his older brotherly posture and tone. "Where the hell were you for two weeks! I couldn't find you _anywhere_, and you _know_ how I get when I can't find you!"

"I don't know where I was! But I have a strong feeling it involves Dumbledore."

Aaron's eyes turned red. Harry grabbed both his hands and put on his 'if-you-do-something-stupid-i-will-tell-every-man-you-have-a-mysterius-rash-in-a-most-hateful-and-insulting-place' face. "Don't you dare! We still don't know everything and I want proof before run off and torture him."

Aaron sighed. "Fine, brat. What do you know?"

"That I was missing for two weeks, that I 'm wearing someone else's pyjamas and that I am going to pass out in fifteen seconds."

"We were in one of Dumbledore's houses." Snape spoke up as Aaron caught his baby brother. "Fawkes told me when I was looking for his purse. Dumbledore stunned us both, kidnapped us, used the imperious on us and both bonded us and watched us consummate it."

Aaron shuddered and frowned. "You can talk to Fawkes?"

Harry had told him about the phoenix.

Snape nodded. "I can talk to phoenixes, doves, ravens, unicorns, squirrels, and the occasional dolphin."

Aaron whistled in appreciation. He sighed. "We can't talk here. Come. Privet Drive and I'll show you to my house."

Clutching Harry close to his chest, he apparated, Snape following close behind.

Is this a dud? is it good enough? do you like my commentary?

_**say what you're going to say, dammit!** forgive him, he hasn't gotten any for a while now._ Riiiiiiight. anyway, review and tell us what you think. please, for our sake. Mirror is a bit... _**what! what am i! what were you about to call me bitch!** shut up, damn you! this is why you havent gotten any! you act like a fuckig ive year old! regains compusiour sorry. end it, Catty, baby._

they're going at it, so this gives me a good excuse to duck out of the argument. Shadow uses some really bad launguage when he gets angry, and Mirror likes to puch his buttons.

Review!

_Peace_


	3. Chapter 3

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

"Oh Harry what have you gotten your self into this time?!"

Harry attempted to duck out of the doctors grasp. "I'm fine Mrs. Becky. Just tired."

The woman scowled. "Just tired my ass! Now sit still!!"

Harry was startled into obedience.

The woman gave him a check-up, the Muggle way and the magical way.

She frowned. "I thought you were a virgin."

"I was until some day in the last two weeks."

"Dumbledore abducted him and Mr. Snape in the corner there and bonded them. They were under the imperious. I want you to check Mr. Snape too please."

Becky nodded, performing the last spell again. "Well, that bond was most definitely consummated if what I read here is anything to go by."

Harry was instantly wary. "What is it?"

"You'll find out. Snape, if you please?"

She preformed the same spell and got the same result. "Well isn't this interesting."

She did a different spell and frowned. "Oh my. This might be more of a hindrance than a help."

Snape looked worried. "What is it?"

Becky sat Harry beside Snape, took a calming breath, and looked at each of them in turn.

"The bad news and the good news are one and the same. You're pregnant. **Both** of you."

Harry stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. Snape looked at her as if she was the infuriated Dark Lord who'd taken to spontaneously using the Crustianitous curse on her followers.

Becky gave them a pitying look. "Trust me, I wish I was joking – I want to be joking – but I'm not. I'm dead serious. You are both pregnant. And Mr. Snape, you are going to need to sit tight. Your body isn't taking to this quite well, though your magic has latched onto it."

Snape made a pitiful sound in the back of his throat. Becky patted him on the shoulder. 'Don't worry sweetheart, I'll look after you. Now Aaron, I want you to keep a close eye on Harry, make sure he doesn't have any alcohol, keep him out of trouble. I'll take care of this poor man. Off with you."

And she shooed Aaron and Harry away, knowing full well that Aaron would be glued to the younger boy's back.

She turned to Snape. "Now, pet, let's see why your body is having this conflict of interests."

She did a few spells more and wrote down her results. Reading the information all at once, she frowned. "Looks like I'll be keeping a close eye on you Mr. Snape. Come now, pet, don't look at me like that. It won't be that bad. I'll take you home with me where you'll be more comfortable."

She gently took him by the arm and led him down the hall. She stopped a moment at the front desk. "Mina, will you clock me out? I have something to attend to."

Mina looked up and smiled. "Another stray? I'll take care of it Becky; just know you have 6 patients coming in this afternoon."

Becky stuck her tongue out at the woman. "Shove it. See you at 2."

She went down another hallway and into a dark room. Next she apparated, landing in front of an ornate gate were a house elf was waiting.

"Hello Saja. Will you prepare a room for Master Severus close to mine? I need to keep an eye on him."

Saja nodded. "Shall I send Hupè to you?"

Becky smiled. "Yes please. Have him find some clothes Sevvy's size."

Saja nodded and popped away.

* * *

thanks to all my- (cringes) _our_- wonderful reviewers. (looks over shoulder at a very threatinging looking Mirror, and recieves a nod of approval) 

please tell _us_ what you think. please. (whispers) i dont want him to hurt me...


	4. Chapter 4

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

"I was told Severus was here."

Becky plastered a fake smile onto her face. "You'll have to wait a moment. Sevvy had to do something."

To be honest, 'Sevvy' was making a deposit in the porcelain bank (A/N: I love that euphemism). He had been severely uncomfortable the past 6 days, and was glad an end was in store. That, of course, was forgotten due to a sudden urge for blood pops.

"Sevvy, darling, Mistress Becky wants you in the sitting room. Is their anything you'd be wanting before you go?"

Snape dried his hands. "Do you have any blood pops?"

Giggling, Saja popped away and back with aforementioned candy.

Digging in with gusto, Snape slowly made his way to the sitting room. It'd been almost a week since he'd been staying with Becky, and he'd given in to the positively disturbing cravings he'd get every so often.

Blood pops, acid pops, cockroach clusters, dishwater, chocolate covered cauliflower, roses dipped in coffee, cinnamon covered with a heavy coating of pepper…

He'd eaten it all, some of it behind Becky's back. The woman wasn't all that pleased when he got the dishwater craving, or the one with the roses, or the cinnamon…

"Severus, my boy, how have you been? I've been looking for you!"

Snape almost choked on his blood pop. Dumbledore. Dumbledore was sitting down in front of a very harassed looking Becky and popping a lemon drop into his mouth while giving Snape a pointed look. "Why aren't you with Harry?"

Sev scowled, the man easily sparking a bad mood. "He's With Aaron. I'm here. Why do you care?"

Albus frowned. "I was worried. No need to get huffy. Now, you'll have to leave here at once and meet up with him."

"No," Snape stated simply starting on his next blood pop.

"What did you say?"

"No."

Albus frowned. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Yes I do. I'm saying no. N-O. No. now if you'll excuse me, I have candy to eat and books to read."

He turned and walked languidly out. Becky sighed. "I almost expected that" she muttered, though Dumbledore heard her anyway. "I guess it's a good thing he had food to sate him or he'd be going off at the old man."

She stood and bowed stiffly to her guest. "I'll see you at the beginning of term. Rupa!" The named house elf appeared. "If you would be so kind as to escort the Professor from my property."

The elf nodded and gave Dumbledore the evil eye. "Follow me."

When Becky walked upstairs, Sevvy was watching Dirty Dancing.

She smiled. "Why do you always watch that?"

He smiled. "I like it. Especially the part at the end where she gets the entire dance right. And the part where they're singing and all that good stuff and this dude walks in and they pretend they were doing something else."

Becky nodded. She didn't really understand all that, but then again, it got him away from reading The Ransom of Mercy Carter. The boy was obsessed with that book.

But then, she herself had been the same way when _she_ first read it.

Aaron stared as Harry ate the entire cake. He'd known that Harry was both having cravings and had a bottomless pit for a stomach, but a whole cake? Damn!!!!!

Aaron shook his head at his little brother. "You really were hungry weren't you?"

Harry nodded, licking his fingers. He had a thought. "How do you think Snape is doing?"

"Good enough. Have you been to Diagon Alley yet?"

Harry shook his head. "I'd forgotten. But I guess we need to go."

Aaron nodded. "And either during or after, I need to talk to Becky."

Harry nodded, ignoring it. He peeked in the refrigerator. "Do you have any Grey Goose?"

Aaron scowled. Harry huffed. "I'm going to cook it you dolt! With sugar and water. The alcohol won't be there any more. Honestly, you act as if I have a death wish or want to kill my baby!"

Aaron held up his hands. "I'm your older brother, I'm supposed to worry!"

Harry rolled his eyes and slipped his feet into his sandals.

"Let's go. No time like the present."

Aaron rolled his eyes.

* * *

(grins) that came out nicely. 

(grumbles) seeing as i did all teh real work while they got to do the fun stuff...like write it...

(sighs)

anyway, review please, before Mirror burts a vein or gets murdered by Shadow, either one


	5. Chapter 5

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

"Hello Aaron, Harry!"

"Hi Mrs. Becky!"

She hugged the two young men.

Rolling her eyes, she went back and dragging Sev up to the group. "Say hi, Sevvy."

"Hi." He was too busy eating a blood pop to pay much attention.

Becky shook her head. "I swear, I would lose him if I wasn't careful. What is that, your third one?"

"No. I'm not sure which one. Ask Saja."

Becky snorted. "Seeing as that elf adopted you, I'm sure she'd know."

Harry beamed at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, a little important shopping. Sevvy needed stuff, I needed stuff. And I needed to get him out and about. He spent most of his time in the library."

Aaron laughed. "Harry was baking me out of house and home. He ate a whole cake!"

Sev looked up. "What kind? Ginger? Zucchini? Squash? Thyme?"

Aaron chuckled. "Chocolate."

Sev shook his head. "That's only good on cauliflower."

Aaron raised an eyebrow. Becky snorted. "Only you would know."

"Harry!!"

Mentioned teen looked up. Ron Weasley, his sister, his father, his mother, and Hermione Granger were sprinting towards him.

He smiled. "Hi guys."  
"Where were you?' Hermione panted. "We wrote and you didn't write back and Dumbledore told us not to worry but we wanted you to come to the Burrow!"

"I was at Aaron's house. And I have something important to tell you later. Why don't you come back to Aaron's place with me?"

They frowned a bit, but agreed nevertheless.

Ron noticed something. "Why are you with Snape?"

Upon hearing his name, the man looked up. "What?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Hello Professor."

"Hi. Do you have any acid pops?"

Hermione shook her head. Snape sighed, pulling out a new blood pop. "Pity."

Becky frowned. "You really need to slow down with that candy, Sevvy. Who gave you all that anyway?"

"Saja."

Becky rolled her eyes. "Silly elf. Trust her to bury you in sweets."

"Or roses, or cauliflower."

She chuckled. "Yes that."

Mr. Weasley smiled politely at her. "Do I know you miss? You look familiar."

Becky shook her head. "No you don't. I'm flattered though. My name's Becky Porinlaw. You?"

"Arthur Weasley."

"Pleasure."

"This is my wife Molly, my son Ronald, my daughter Ginerva."

She shook each person's hand. "Lovely. Harry's told me so much about you."

"Snape hasn't said anything?"

She giggled a little at Ron's comment. "No, Ron. Sevvy hasn't said a word about you."

"I didn't do what?"

Becky rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it."

Snape shrugged, returning to his candy. Becky thought a bit. "I wonder if that has something to do with your red blood cell level."

She shook herself. "Aaron, can I leave him at your house? Their doing some work at mine, and I have to work."

"Sure."

She smiled broadly. "Just don't lose him."

Aaron raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask any questions. Harry was talking with Ron and Hermione. Ginny was window shopping across the street. Becky gave Snape a kiss on the cheek (causing Ron to gag) and excused herself, going to work.

Snape frowned as he finished his last piece of candy. "I want some lemonade. With lots of salt. And some grass."

Ron turned green. Aaron chuckled. "We'll see what we can…."

"Here you go, Sevvy darling."

Saja handed him his requested beverage.

Sevvy smiled his thanks.

Saja winked at Aaron and popped away.

* * *

Ron and Hermione gaped open mouthed at their best friend.

The story he had just told them was horrible, and so crazy that it was most likely true.

Hermione was the first to speak. "So you…you're…."

"Yeah."

Ron spoke next. "And you're…you know…to Snape?"

"Yep."

Hermione swallowed. "And Dumbledore did this?"

"Uh-huh."

Ron had to force the words past his throat. "And watched?"

"Er- yeah."

Ron went to go be sick in one of Aaron's bathrooms. Hermione shook her head. "And Snape is too?"

Harry nodded. They both turned to stare at the professor, who happened to be eating a strawberry dipped in melted cheddar cheese. Hermione shook her head. "Where does he get the stomach for that stuff?"

Ron sat back down. "Why didn't you write us?"

"Dumbledore was screening my mail. Even if I'd tried, you wouldn't have gotten it."

They seemed to accept that answer.

"Is that why you couldn't come to the Burrow?"

"Yup."

"Who's this Aaron person?"

"My friend. He thinks he's my older brother, so that's how he acts. He's weird."

"And hungry! What happened to all my food?!"

Harry chuckled. "Stomach first huh?"

"I think you ate it all! You fiend! You know how important my stomach is to me. Now I'll have to order pizza!"

"I want pineapple ham."

"That sounds interesting."

Aaron chuckled at Snape's comment. "You _would _think so. Okay so: cheese, pineapple ham, meat lovers, and supreme. That it?"

As there were no objections, he nodded and picked up the phone.

Less than an hour later, everybody was chowing down.

Ron was nearly choking on an overly large bite. "This is great!" he said once he had swallowed.

Hermione made a gagging motion.

* * *

i think this is longer than usual.

that has to be a good sign.

please review so that Mirror stays in the Christmas spirit long enough for Shadow to not get mad at him long enough for them not to fight long enough for me to enjoy the rest of my Christmas break.

Happy Belated Christmas.


	6. Chapter 6

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

"So…why is Snape riding with us?"

"Because Dumbledore harassed him until he agreed to shut him up."

"And Mrs. Becky is coming along…why?"

"To keep him from killing anybody."

"And Aaron…?

"To keep an eye on me. Because he doesn't trust me."

"Oh."

They were sitting in a compartment in the back of the train.

Snape was muttering fiercely to himself in one darkened corner. Mrs. Becky was sitting across from him, a slightly nervous look on her face.

She almost fell of her seat when Snape let out a yelp and grasped his arm.

"Dammit! Cant do anything without someone harassing me!!"

He apparated, and this time, Becky really did fall out of her seat. "Oh Lord…."

&#!()&$

Meanwhile….

"Severus, is there a reason you are not properly dressed?"

Snape kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to think about the bastard named Dumbledore, and answering that question would make him think about him. So he simply said "No, milord" and waited for the Crustianitous to come his way.

It would be an understatement to say he was surprised when the screams he heard weren't his own.

There was somebody standing in front of him that hadn't been there before. Who ever it was had stepped in front of him just in time to be hit by the curse.

WTF?!?!

Voldemort seemed to feel the same way. "What are you doing Fenrir?!"

"You would have killed it!" the werewolf panted.

"Killed what?"

"The baby. The curse would have killed it."

Baby. Becky had told him he was pregnant, but Snape had never really let himself come to terms with the fact that there was a **_baby_** growing inside him.

He sat down- **hard**.

Voldemort was staring open mouthed at Fenrir. "Baby? As in small human child?"

Greyback nodded, taking in an overly deep breath. "Yes. Small. It doesn't really have its own scent yet."

They other werewolves in the room gathered round the rather dazed and confused Snape, sniffing. There were relatively loud cries of "I smell it!"

Voldemort held up his hand for silence. "Where is it? Has it been born yet?"

Fenrir shook his head. "No. it hasn't been alive a good _month_ yet."

Another werewolf spoke up. "Snape seems rather confused about the whole thing. I can smell it. There's also what seems to be the trace of the Imperious curse."

Voldemort raised his eyebrows. "I guess it would be useless asking him about it, then. Put him to bed in one of the rooms. Might as well make use of this mansion. We'll discuss him later. Crabbe, report."

* * *

I know it should be longer. Please forgive us. We are haveing a bit of a rut. MGP-B isnt the only one to suffer. Punishment is in an even greater rut.

If it helps, when the next chapter is posted (sorta soon) we- meaning I- are contemplating adding a snippet of a story waiting for ff.n. The name is Harry Potter- King of the Netherworld?!, it's going really well, and we're trying to finish more before we post the entire thing.

Adios (Mirror isnt here to bug me, though he will be later).

Please R&R!!!


	7. Chapter 7

Married Gay Party-Beast

By Mirror and Shadow

Dumbledore grabbed Becky by the arm as she made her way towards the head table. "Where's Severus?"

"Death Eater Meeting" was the scowling woman's reply.

Dumbledore looked startled.

Aaron pulled out Becky's chair in pure, gentlemanly fashion. "Mrs. Becky."

Smiled, she nodded at him. "Aaron."

He pushed up her chair.

Dumbledore looked a little uncomfortable sitting at the table with the overly protective vampire.

The sorting went wondrously smooth.

Dumbledore had just sat down when Snape stomped in through a side door, settling in his chair as two werewolves hurried in after him, causing him to roll his eyes. "They act like one of the students will jump up and try to kill me while I'm eating diner."

The werewolves looked at each other. One leaned over to the other. "He reminds me of a friend of mine from back home. I thought it was bad when she was in heat, but then she got pregnant…I actually felt _sorry_ for the poor bastard who mated her."

Aaron snorted into his mashed potatoes. Becky was fighting for her composure.

Everybody in the Great Hall was staring at their Potions professor, who hadn't noticed their looks and was eating his heart out.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Severus…what are you doing?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing, you idiot?"

Dumbledore huffed. "Where have you been?"

"You know very well where I was."

"And why are those two following you around."

Severus put down his fork to turn and glare at him.

"Are you done asking me stupid questions, or should I wait to finish eating dinner?"

Dumbledore opened and closed his mouth several times. The two werewolves behind Snape were in hysterics.

They would have to tell their friends about this. It was just _too _funny.

Becky was doing her best to suppress a laugh. Aaron wasn't even trying.

As it seemed Dumbledore had finally shut up, Snape returned to feeding his face.

Madam Pomfrey was raising an eyebrow at the miraculously healthy foods that Snape had on his plate by choice. Whatever was up, she liked it. Anything to get Severus to eat.

Harry was eating less healthy food than he usually did. His food was still healthy, but odd.

He made sure to save a good many pickles for dessert so he could eat them with vanilla ice cream.

People weren't so obvious when they stared at him.

Dumbledore settled himself with making angry faces throughout dinner.

* * *

yes, it's short. i love the pickles and vanilla ice cream thing. there's a story to go with it:

during summer, 2006, my mom and i went out to eat with our pastor and some other people from church. we were eating desert. i was sitting with my cousin (epitome of evil, all around pain in the a--) and the son of one othe assistant pastors (this boy will be named Bob for privacy's sake). Bob was eating pickles with his vanila ice cream. His father turned around and looked at us. "Pickles and Ice cream? You pregnant or something?"

it's a wonderfully humourus story.

here's a snapshot of _Harry Potter-- King of the Netherworld?!_ :

_"Potter, hurry up!! Today's waffle day!!" _

_Harry let Millicent Bullstrode drag him from the dungeons, having learned already that arguing would only waste time and energy. _

_"Harry!!" _

_"Let go of him you evil bitch!!" _

_Ginny Weasly fired a spell in Millie's direction. _

_"Bullstrode, watch out!!" _

_Harry shot in front of her, barely managing to cast a protean charm. _

_Millie stared in horror, before casting a rather nasty spell at Ginny and turning her attention to her new found protector. _

_"You saved me!" _

_She hugged him, his face buried in her ample cleavage. _

_Harry began to thrash. _

_The other boys watched in sympathy. Nearly all of them had been subjected to one of Millie's murderous hugs. The girl was tall and she had big boobs. Combine that with strength that nearly equalled Hagrid's, and you had a hug that could kill. _

_Millie was oblivious to her deadly capabilities. _

_"Oh poor Potter!! Did she hit you?! I'll kill that whore if she did!! Oh are you okay?!?!" _

_There was a reason Millie didn't have a boyfriend: she was sexy as hell, but unless you were a half giant or had a breathing tube, you'd die during the first kiss. _

_Because of Ginny's screams and Millie's loud voice, teachers rushed over. _

_"What happened here?" _

_Millie hugged Harry even tighter. _

_"That Weasley slut attacked me and Potter saved my life!! I'm afraid she hit him!!!" _

_Millie was a drama queen, clueless, and really good at overreacting. _

_Madame Pomfrey, who was used to treating the students that near suffocated from these unnecessary displays of affection, hurried over. _

_"Why don't you let me look at him and we'll see what's wrong." _

_Millie handed Harry over, and the young prince gasped, face nearly blue. _

_Madame Pomfrey pretended to check him. "Bruised ribs. That's about it. Take it easy Potter. Miss Bullstrode, remind your house mates to be gentle with Mr. Potter, okay?" _

_Millie nodded and picked Harry up. _

_"I'll carry you all the way to breakfast!! He's so brave, Madame Pomfrey!! Taking a spell for little old me!!!!" _

tell me somethin good!! (Mirror isnt here so i took over the comments with clear consience. i'm the one who reads them anyway).

_Love and Kissess,_

_Catty-the-spy_


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